Delusions of Adequacy

I was recently asked when I’d be making a new blog post. I was pleased to be asked the question because the question implied the blog has been worth reading in the past. And how sad that is, on my part, to be so needy for a compliment that I was all too willing to misread a bare question and construct an implied compliment out of nothingness. There you have it. I’ve yet again bared my ugly soul for your amusement. But the truth is I need a few compliments every few months to keep me slogging through my blogging, even if I have to compliment myself.

The truth is that nobody is reading this thing except for a few family members I’ve begged to read it, and are likely doing so out of obligation. We all have busy lives and this blog has a lot of competition for time. Kids, meals, exercise, sleep, work, chores, plus other forms of media produced daily by professionals are attractive necessities and distractions. This blog cannot compete with any of the above.

I’ve always been amused by the phrase “delusions of adequacy”, and I admit that I have had mine, this blog being one of them. Successfully writing technical computer specifications, annual reports, and memoranda for 36 years led me to a 2-year delusion of blogging adequacy. But the silence each posting generates is a greater indication of the truth than the occasional protestation by a singular reader that the writing is good and the stories are interesting. I’d like to believe the rare complimentary soul, but the silence is more believable as an indicator of failure.

Even though distance runners are experts in deferred gratification, not seeing the impact of a series of workouts for roughly 12 weeks, there has been little gratification, deferred or otherwise, while writing this blog. It’s been fun from time to time, but mostly it has been hard work. And no matter how much work I put into these posts, when I re-read them they just sound lame.

Also, I am running out of material. All too often when I start a piece I come to realize that it contains ideas I’ve already covered. When I go back and read old posts to see what I’ve already covered, I find I’ve been a self-righteous pompous ass, and the whole dang thing embarrasses me. The delete key is a tempting solution to my embarrassment. There are some stories left to tell, but when I think of how much work it will take to write them, well, I can’t even make myself begin.

I have a couple of pieces finished about what makes a great athlete and describe several representative folks I’ve known over the years who were one essential ingredient short of being great. But the pieces only say what every jock on the planet already knows. I also have another political rant ready to go, but I am reluctant to post it and tick-off all of my liberal relatives. It’s not much fun to read something you totally disagree with, so I’d rather not inflict my opinions on my cousins.

There is another post that is ready to go, I even had it posted for a couple of hours two years ago, but it is critical of a former coach of mine and will likely never see the light of day again. There are nine posts already written about work that are waiting for retirement, but even then, if I have wisdom, they also will not see the light of day.

So there you go folks, or the singular of that word; here is my latest post.
I cannot predict when I will be posting another delusion of adequacy.