I’ve been trying to write this piece for years and never successfully completed the mission. My difficulty lies in my desire to tell the truth without telling the whole truth, and I’ve never found a way to do both that pleased me. I think I may have found a way.
I am at home in Cedar Rapids for a few days visiting my mother. As I travel around town every street is familiar to me and has a memory associated with it. There are plenty of good memories, but it is the bad ones that haunt me. The memories aren’t “somebody done me wrong” stories; I think I’ve pretty much forgiven anybody who did me wrong years ago. The stores that haunt me are when I did wrong, and I have not forgiven myself.
At one moment I am castigating myself for how I behaved. I should have known better. I should have done better. How could I be such a dumbass? And then I try to cut myself some slack by acknowledging that I was just a kid, and I didn’t know any better, and therefore couldn’t have done any better, and hindsight is 20/20. And then I swing back the other direction again thinking that any fool should have known better and done better. Back and forth it goes, neither side ever winning the argument, and never achieving peace.
My memories are all the typical “young person coming of age” stories that we see all the time in “teen” movies. We laugh with embarrassment at the characters in the movies because we recognize ourselves in them. They (we) are so young, foolish, and insensitive that their actions are hilarious. Well, it isn’t so funny when you are the subject of your own story.
Lest I give you the wrong impression, I did okay. It's just that in hindsight I realize I should have done so much better. I wasn’t a criminal. I was simply guilty of the typical naïve stuff depicted in teen movies; at least I hope it is typical stuff and try to reassure myself that that is so. I think most of the stories fall into one or more of these teen-angst movie topics.
Young person seeking acceptance from his peers
Young person and cliques
Young person experiencing acceptance and exclusion
Young person managing first close personal relationships
Young person acting foolishly
Young person seeking athletic achievement
Young person seeking musical achievement
Young person meets success
Young person meets failure
and handling it all like a rookie, which was eminently true.
I could spend a good deal of space here continuing the exercise in verbal self-flagellation in an attempt to convince you, and myself, that my remorse is real, but then you’d want to know my specific screw-ups, and I am not going to torture myself with the specifics. I do enough of that to myself already. The truth is that none of us is born with all the skills we need. I just want the kids to know that none of us is born fully formed and we all make mistakes in our learning years.
“Good decisions come from experience,
and experience comes from bad decisions.”
Keep that in mind.
Anyway, that is why I don't like going home, because I am forced to remember who I used to be, and that guy embarrasses me.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Justice
Can you draw up in your mind the image of one of those statues of a
blindfolded Lady Liberty holding up the scales of justice that seem to occupy
every courthouse in America? Do you
remember your high school civics classes about the concept of “innocent until
proven guilty”? Remember the need for
both prosecution and defense, and an unbiased judge and jury? Do you recall the process is designed to
reveal the truth, and ultimately deliver justice?
We have this well established, but not perfect, system of justice where the burden of proof lies with the prosecution and an underlying principle that it is "better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer". (Blackstone’s formulation) (Don’t be impressed; I had to look it up) Hold those thoughts in your mind for just a moment plus any other principles and platitudes that come to mind.
We have this well established, but not perfect, system of justice where the burden of proof lies with the prosecution and an underlying principle that it is "better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer". (Blackstone’s formulation) (Don’t be impressed; I had to look it up) Hold those thoughts in your mind for just a moment plus any other principles and platitudes that come to mind.
Now recall the recent incident involving George Zimmerman and Trayvon
Martin.
Something happened between the two of them that night that resulted in
the death of Trayvon Martin. I don’t
know what happened. I know what it looks
like, and I can speculate, but I can’t really know the truth base solely on
what the news presents.
Around the little bit that is known it is easy enough to construct a
story where Zimmerman is solely responsible for the death of Martin. On the other hand it is also possible to imagine
an incident where the two exchange words, and that Martin is partially
responsible for the escalation of that verbal exchange into a physical
altercation that tragically turns deadly.
What concerns me is the assumption of the masses that the first scenario
is true based on the few facts readily available to us in the media. We like neat and tidy stories. We also like to make our judgments once and avoid
the inconvenience of reconsidering our opinions as new evidence is
revealed. It allows us to simplify the
clutter in our minds.
So I had a hard time when I saw the masses demonstrating in front of the
police station demanding that Zimmerman be charged and tried for murder. After seeing that vigilante justice doesn’t
work in the form of an apparently overzealous neighborhood watchman, they now
want mob justice in its place? I thought
there was supposed to be a thorough investigation. I thought the prosecutor (and not the mob) was
supposed to look at the evidence collected during the investigation. I thought it was the prosecutor’s job (and
not the mob’s) to decide if there is sufficient evidence to support an
indictment. It looked to me that the mob
wanted to skip all of that.
And don’t kid yourself into thinking that the police chief, prosecutor,
defense, judge, and jury are all unaffected by a mob of protestors outside the
courthouse. You can bet that they are
all well aware of the protestors and are affected despite their best attempts
to pretend otherwise. And that is the
protester’s intent, to influence the outcome of the justice system, and I think
that is just plain wrong.
I know that if I am ever accused of a crime, I don’t want a mob trying to
influence the outcome of my right to due process. Wouldn't you?
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Marathon Training
I am generally afraid to give anyone running advice. I don’t want the responsibility for leading anyone astray. I am not a coach, and I am not a scientist, but I guess I have read a zillion articles since I started running in 1967. I’ve run roughly 2,000 miles a year for almost 45 years, so I ought to at least know a few things first-hand. All I really know is what has worked moderately well for me. It might be that what I did was exactly right. It also might be that if I’d trained differently I would have had much better results. Anyway, here is what I think I know.
Mileage
I’ve never met anyone who felt fully prepared for any race, let alone a marathon. Everyone on the starting line is thinking they should have done more miles, more tempo runs, more preparatory races, and more speed work. That is the runner’s typical answer to all problems; more miles. If the runner cannot fit in more miles, then his answer is HARDER miles. We runners are a sick group of obsessive-compulsives.
Tempo Runs
Not sure how the big names define a tempo run, but I think of it as run of some moderate distance at roughly 80% of my maximum effort; faster than a recovery run, but slower than my max for the distance. Usually a distance of less than 12 miles, it is likely to be faster than my ultimate marathon pace. Still, I am running according to my perceived effort. I might look at my watch afterwards or during to see what I did, but I don’t use it to dictate my pace. My body tells me what I can/can’t do, not my watch. One a week ought to be sufficient.
I often use races in place of my tempo runs or use a segment of my long run as a tempo run. When racing I try to control myself during the bulk of the distance, but during the last miles, I let it rip without injuring myself. Okay, I often cheat when it comes to the 80% effort. Work is work, and I figure it is all good for me if I am up to it that day.
The ATC used to have a 10-mile race in September, a 20K in October, and a 30K the first Saturday in November that I would race at whatever I could manage for the distance. Given that I had another three weeks of training after the 30K race, and I would therefore have increased fitness and speed for the marathon, I figured my 30K pace would roughly be my marathon pace.
I think 3-4 races, no more than one per month, of increasing distance if possible, are good preparation for the marathon. Half marathons aren’t too hard to find. Entering a local 10K or 15K race works if I run the course pretty firmly prior to race start, and then again with the pack of runners, maintaining the best pace I can manage.
Long Runs
Most of my colleagues worked up to 22 miles for their long run, but I only managed 18. Some articles say the miles after 18 are damaging to your muscle fibers and does more harm than good. I tend to believe that. I think 18 miles is enough for the long run.
But I also believe in the need for speed. I like to have a speed day on Tuesdays where I run 4 x 1-mile repeats with a 400 meter rest; or a ladder workout starting at 800 meters as the shortest repeat. Or make this a “short” tempo run of 4-7 miles with a mile warm-up. I want to have the speed to knock out the first 15 miles of the marathon pretty quickly so I am not on my feet too long. No more than half the distance for a recovery when doing repeats or ladders. I prefer just a 400 for the recovery. I don’t want to get too much rest during the workout.
Whether it’s a long run or a speed workout, it’s hard to do it on your own. A training partner really helps.
Sleep
Nobody sleeps well the night before a race. Everybody is nervous given the huge investment of time and effort in preparation for the marathon. I’m lucky to get 6 hours of sleep in, and it's usually fitful sleep where I am constantly looking at the clock to see if I can get up and go. One small glass of wine the night before is relaxing, but I would not have any more than that on the night before the race. No sleeping pills or anything else. No extraordinary eating either. Just eat a normal meal. Too many people go crazy with the pasta loading and feel bloated or heavy for the race. Less is more the days leading into the race. There is nothing worse than needing to defecate in the middle of a race. I cannot hit the can too many times the morning of the race, if for no other reason than I don’t want to carry any extra ounces during the 26.2 miles.
Racing the Marathon
I think there is cumulative damage to your body during the marathon simply by being on your feet too long. If it takes too long to run the first 18 miles of the marathon, your body is going to be hamburger from taking so many pounding steps, and then there is the exposure to the weather, dehydration and I don’t know what all. The speed work and the racing helps give you the speed to get the first 15 miles done without too many foot strikes and too much damage to your body. I want to be able to rock and roll pretty quickly the first 15 miles of the marathon roughly 15-20 seconds per mile below my overall marathon pace knowing all the while that my pace will degrade at mile 18 and thereafter.
During the first 12 miles I don’t mind the adrenaline taking me a bit faster than I can maintain, and mentally telling myself to slow down and take it easy, but not actually doing it all that much. I try to mentally build an inner aura of glee at all the money (seconds) I am putting in the bank, and enjoying feeling so good (having rested) for the first time in months, and hoping I am going to have a good day, but knowing all along that it will be tough at 18 onward and I will have to give some of those seconds back.
From 12 to 18 I try to be right on my target mile pace, and by paying careful attention to my running form, maybe even maintain it longer. I know sometime I will have to pay the price, but I want to pay it as late as possible, so I manage my energy very carefully.
Chatting up some folks and collecting a running pack for the first half is also helpful. Having a group to take turns maintaining the pace is good, especially on a windy day. Gathering the critical mass of folks to sustain an interesting conversation is an excellent distraction from the increasing discomfort. Around 15 and later nobody is interested in chatting. Everyone is conserving their energy and wrestling with their increasing discomfort.
The mental effort of maintaining a pace is not insignificant. There is mental fatigue in addition to physical fatigue. If I find somebody who is running roughly my pace on both up hills and down hills, I am willing to pick it up just a bit in order to slipstream behind them. I am also willing to cut them loose and pick another victim, slower or faster, as need be.
Training
I like a weekly routine so I don’t cop-out on my hard workouts and long runs, and my cop-out days (rest) are built into my schedule. My speed/tempo run on Tuesdays would be a companion to my long run or race on Saturday, while being careful to listen to my body so I don’t injure myself. Sunday and Monday are recovery runs of 5-8 miles from the long run or race on Saturday. Wednesday is likewise a recovery run of 5-7 miles depending on how I feel after the speed on Tuesday. Thursday is generally 7 miles of generic miles, speed-play, speed-play on the up-hills on my route, or whatever I feel like doing that will not diminish my long run or race on Saturday. Friday is my day off from running – my reward for having survived the work week and the running week, and my rest day before Saturday’s big run, whatever it may be.
I am my own coach, so I am in charge of my morale. I want all of my runs to be positive experiences that build my confidence and morale. I don’t want to do too many miles too fast so that I get tired, beat-up, and depressed, but I want to do enough miles and speed that I am constantly proud and impressed with what I have accomplished. I am the horse, and the jockey, and the trainer. The jockey and the trainer have to take good care of the horse. It’s all up to me.
When to begin
My long run right now is 12. If I was to start training for a marathon my Saturdays might go
12, 13, 10 or race,
13, 14, 10 or race,
14, 15, 10 or race,
15, 16, 10 or race,
16, 17, 10 or race,
17, 18, 10 or race,
18, 10, and finally the marathon.
When I race instead of the drop-back 10, I take it easy during the week so I have something to give on race day and don’t injure myself. I want races to be fun and not a drag.
There is nothing sacred about this progression of miles. I just made it up on the fly. Anyone can come up with their own progression of miles, but it should increase gradually for several weeks, and then have a drop back in mileage for recovery. Interrupt the sequence at will for important races or family events, and resume the sequence immediately thereafter. Some folks make their drop-back week minus 4 or minus 5 from their most recent long run. That works too. The principle is to occasionally give yourself a break. Runners are accused of being obsessive-compulsive, so the breaks are important.
What was that, 21 weeks of training? Sounds like 5 months for me to get ready for the Atlanta Track Club marathon on Sunday, October 28, 2012; if so, I need to get 12 miles done on June 09. Given that there are several races along the way that I want to do, along with a wedding and a summer vacation, maybe I should start jacking up my mileage now, but don’t tell Mom.
Mind over matter
From 13 to 18 miles my body starts sending me signals of increasing strength that a full rebellion will be forthcoming. It usually occurs after 18 miles. What happens after 18 is just plain miserable, but it is interesting to find out how much misery I can tolerate and not die. I’ve had plenty of will in all of my marathons, but my body just couldn’t obey. My mind can force my body to move, but that is the most that it can accomplish. Weeks later, I always wished I could have run faster, but during miles 18-26, I just wanted the torture to end. During the earlier miles I didn’t want to embarrass myself; during those closing miles I no longer cared whether I did embarrass myself.
During those final miles I always made promises to God that I had no way of keeping.
She’s been quite tolerant about it so far.
Mileage
I’ve never met anyone who felt fully prepared for any race, let alone a marathon. Everyone on the starting line is thinking they should have done more miles, more tempo runs, more preparatory races, and more speed work. That is the runner’s typical answer to all problems; more miles. If the runner cannot fit in more miles, then his answer is HARDER miles. We runners are a sick group of obsessive-compulsives.
Tempo Runs
Not sure how the big names define a tempo run, but I think of it as run of some moderate distance at roughly 80% of my maximum effort; faster than a recovery run, but slower than my max for the distance. Usually a distance of less than 12 miles, it is likely to be faster than my ultimate marathon pace. Still, I am running according to my perceived effort. I might look at my watch afterwards or during to see what I did, but I don’t use it to dictate my pace. My body tells me what I can/can’t do, not my watch. One a week ought to be sufficient.
I often use races in place of my tempo runs or use a segment of my long run as a tempo run. When racing I try to control myself during the bulk of the distance, but during the last miles, I let it rip without injuring myself. Okay, I often cheat when it comes to the 80% effort. Work is work, and I figure it is all good for me if I am up to it that day.
The ATC used to have a 10-mile race in September, a 20K in October, and a 30K the first Saturday in November that I would race at whatever I could manage for the distance. Given that I had another three weeks of training after the 30K race, and I would therefore have increased fitness and speed for the marathon, I figured my 30K pace would roughly be my marathon pace.
I think 3-4 races, no more than one per month, of increasing distance if possible, are good preparation for the marathon. Half marathons aren’t too hard to find. Entering a local 10K or 15K race works if I run the course pretty firmly prior to race start, and then again with the pack of runners, maintaining the best pace I can manage.
Long Runs
Most of my colleagues worked up to 22 miles for their long run, but I only managed 18. Some articles say the miles after 18 are damaging to your muscle fibers and does more harm than good. I tend to believe that. I think 18 miles is enough for the long run.
But I also believe in the need for speed. I like to have a speed day on Tuesdays where I run 4 x 1-mile repeats with a 400 meter rest; or a ladder workout starting at 800 meters as the shortest repeat. Or make this a “short” tempo run of 4-7 miles with a mile warm-up. I want to have the speed to knock out the first 15 miles of the marathon pretty quickly so I am not on my feet too long. No more than half the distance for a recovery when doing repeats or ladders. I prefer just a 400 for the recovery. I don’t want to get too much rest during the workout.
Whether it’s a long run or a speed workout, it’s hard to do it on your own. A training partner really helps.
Sleep
Nobody sleeps well the night before a race. Everybody is nervous given the huge investment of time and effort in preparation for the marathon. I’m lucky to get 6 hours of sleep in, and it's usually fitful sleep where I am constantly looking at the clock to see if I can get up and go. One small glass of wine the night before is relaxing, but I would not have any more than that on the night before the race. No sleeping pills or anything else. No extraordinary eating either. Just eat a normal meal. Too many people go crazy with the pasta loading and feel bloated or heavy for the race. Less is more the days leading into the race. There is nothing worse than needing to defecate in the middle of a race. I cannot hit the can too many times the morning of the race, if for no other reason than I don’t want to carry any extra ounces during the 26.2 miles.
Racing the Marathon
I think there is cumulative damage to your body during the marathon simply by being on your feet too long. If it takes too long to run the first 18 miles of the marathon, your body is going to be hamburger from taking so many pounding steps, and then there is the exposure to the weather, dehydration and I don’t know what all. The speed work and the racing helps give you the speed to get the first 15 miles done without too many foot strikes and too much damage to your body. I want to be able to rock and roll pretty quickly the first 15 miles of the marathon roughly 15-20 seconds per mile below my overall marathon pace knowing all the while that my pace will degrade at mile 18 and thereafter.
During the first 12 miles I don’t mind the adrenaline taking me a bit faster than I can maintain, and mentally telling myself to slow down and take it easy, but not actually doing it all that much. I try to mentally build an inner aura of glee at all the money (seconds) I am putting in the bank, and enjoying feeling so good (having rested) for the first time in months, and hoping I am going to have a good day, but knowing all along that it will be tough at 18 onward and I will have to give some of those seconds back.
From 12 to 18 I try to be right on my target mile pace, and by paying careful attention to my running form, maybe even maintain it longer. I know sometime I will have to pay the price, but I want to pay it as late as possible, so I manage my energy very carefully.
Chatting up some folks and collecting a running pack for the first half is also helpful. Having a group to take turns maintaining the pace is good, especially on a windy day. Gathering the critical mass of folks to sustain an interesting conversation is an excellent distraction from the increasing discomfort. Around 15 and later nobody is interested in chatting. Everyone is conserving their energy and wrestling with their increasing discomfort.
The mental effort of maintaining a pace is not insignificant. There is mental fatigue in addition to physical fatigue. If I find somebody who is running roughly my pace on both up hills and down hills, I am willing to pick it up just a bit in order to slipstream behind them. I am also willing to cut them loose and pick another victim, slower or faster, as need be.
Training
I like a weekly routine so I don’t cop-out on my hard workouts and long runs, and my cop-out days (rest) are built into my schedule. My speed/tempo run on Tuesdays would be a companion to my long run or race on Saturday, while being careful to listen to my body so I don’t injure myself. Sunday and Monday are recovery runs of 5-8 miles from the long run or race on Saturday. Wednesday is likewise a recovery run of 5-7 miles depending on how I feel after the speed on Tuesday. Thursday is generally 7 miles of generic miles, speed-play, speed-play on the up-hills on my route, or whatever I feel like doing that will not diminish my long run or race on Saturday. Friday is my day off from running – my reward for having survived the work week and the running week, and my rest day before Saturday’s big run, whatever it may be.
I am my own coach, so I am in charge of my morale. I want all of my runs to be positive experiences that build my confidence and morale. I don’t want to do too many miles too fast so that I get tired, beat-up, and depressed, but I want to do enough miles and speed that I am constantly proud and impressed with what I have accomplished. I am the horse, and the jockey, and the trainer. The jockey and the trainer have to take good care of the horse. It’s all up to me.
When to begin
My long run right now is 12. If I was to start training for a marathon my Saturdays might go
12, 13, 10 or race,
13, 14, 10 or race,
14, 15, 10 or race,
15, 16, 10 or race,
16, 17, 10 or race,
17, 18, 10 or race,
18, 10, and finally the marathon.
When I race instead of the drop-back 10, I take it easy during the week so I have something to give on race day and don’t injure myself. I want races to be fun and not a drag.
There is nothing sacred about this progression of miles. I just made it up on the fly. Anyone can come up with their own progression of miles, but it should increase gradually for several weeks, and then have a drop back in mileage for recovery. Interrupt the sequence at will for important races or family events, and resume the sequence immediately thereafter. Some folks make their drop-back week minus 4 or minus 5 from their most recent long run. That works too. The principle is to occasionally give yourself a break. Runners are accused of being obsessive-compulsive, so the breaks are important.
What was that, 21 weeks of training? Sounds like 5 months for me to get ready for the Atlanta Track Club marathon on Sunday, October 28, 2012; if so, I need to get 12 miles done on June 09. Given that there are several races along the way that I want to do, along with a wedding and a summer vacation, maybe I should start jacking up my mileage now, but don’t tell Mom.
Mind over matter
From 13 to 18 miles my body starts sending me signals of increasing strength that a full rebellion will be forthcoming. It usually occurs after 18 miles. What happens after 18 is just plain miserable, but it is interesting to find out how much misery I can tolerate and not die. I’ve had plenty of will in all of my marathons, but my body just couldn’t obey. My mind can force my body to move, but that is the most that it can accomplish. Weeks later, I always wished I could have run faster, but during miles 18-26, I just wanted the torture to end. During the earlier miles I didn’t want to embarrass myself; during those closing miles I no longer cared whether I did embarrass myself.
During those final miles I always made promises to God that I had no way of keeping.
She’s been quite tolerant about it so far.
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