Reflecting

There is a lot of schlock in coming of age stories about getting to know yourself. These stories typically have the hero going to college or joining the marines to learn meaningful life lessons. Ala Forrest Gump, who is my personal hero, I don’t know about that.

I spent my childhood and early adolescence wondering who I was going to become. It took way too many years to realize that I could have some impact on the outcome. I am not sure when I came to realize that I had some involvement in my own life. Anyway, getting back to the point, those early years were spent wondering if I was going to be like my father, my two older brothers, (both great guys but distinctly different), my mother, various grandparents and relatives, or some amalgamation of them all.

With absolutely no understanding of genetics at the time, I vaguely understood that I was more likely to be similar to my relatives than dissimilar. A scary thought to every child! So I listened closely to family stories to learn what kind of people “we” were. I thought these stories would give me a clue to my future. I listened to my dad’s stories of wrestling for Iowa and watched my brothers participate in various sports. What sports are we good at? Do we get good grades? Are we good at, and destined to be in, some particular profession?

I think we spend a lifetime trying to figure out where we fit in. Am I smarter than the average bear, or am I the fry-guy at McDonalds? Am I a gifted athlete, or a wannabe? I don’t see any great shame in being at the bottom of either spectrum. We are each born with certain skills. You can only do so much with what you have. If you are not born with slow-twitch fibers and a great capillary system, you will never be a great distance runner. Sorry about that.

It would be nice to win the genetic lottery and be as bright as Einstein or as athletically gifted as Michael Jordan, but I am just as happy to live a normal life. I think the anxiety of growing up ends when you find out where you fit in the world. It’s more about finding that place than it is about where that place is.

So I came to find I wasn’t the brightest of the kids in high school and college, but I could pass the same classes they did and found that I liked them and they liked me. I found I enjoyed math and science and knowledge in all forms, and enjoyed associating with similarly minded souls. I found that I can run long distances and through this pursuit have developed lifelong friends and training partners. Over the years I’ve found I enjoy music, have some talent for sacred choral music, and enjoy people who are likewise inclined.

The list of activities I am not good at is long, but I don’t think being good at something is all that important. I think enjoyment of the activity is important, and sharing the experience with others is important. For many years I’ve sought a sense of belonging, a desire to fit in, to be part of a group, to be accepted. I think I have fulfilled those wishes through the activities I enjoy and the like-minded souls I’ve encountered; through the camaraderie of my friends who also enjoy exercising their minds and bodies.